Dependent

Ming says that I’m addicted to caffeine and I denied it for the longest time. I just like coffee, I say to him. Not mentioning that I’ll drink even the shittiest brew just to have some.

But a couple of days back, I didn’t have my usual cup of coffee (any kind) in the morning. And by 2pm, my eyes were closing. At 5-ish, I fell asleep on the train without meaning to.

It’s scary how we become dependent on things without realising it. And then deny that dependency, perhaps because we aren’t self-aware enough or are simply in denial.

The ability that humans have to lie to themselves is fascinating to me.

Our heads and hearts belong to us. Shouldn’t we know what’s going on in there? And the fact that we don’t always know, that we have the ability to hide things from ourselves, is simultaneously fascinating and frightening.

Do we miss out on opportunities because we didn’t realise we wanted them? Is this why we only recognise how important something is to us after it’s gone?

Is this how our reflection in the mirror gets away with saying “you’re so fat” even though the scales say otherwise?

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