Guilt

During my periods of melancholy, one of the most common emotions I experience is guilt.

No matter how I look at things, it’s either guilt about not working enough or guilt about not spending enough time with family. Guilt over not standing up for myself, or guilt over “being selfish”. 

I feel guilt over being annoyed when someone talks to me while I’m working. Then guilt over not paying attention fully because I’m working and trying to listen. 

Guilt tugs at my heart if my to-do list isn’t long enough, then keeps me up at night if I don’t manage to check all the items off. 

During the times when I’m so tired I feel like going to sleep forever, I feel guilty over not being grateful enough for all the other positive things in my life. 

I feel guilt when I eat meat, over how my existence affects the world’s environment, when I think about how things might be better if I just. died. now. 

And then I feel guilty for even thinking that at all. How self-important, I think. You’re not that important at all.

I suppose in the world of Pixar’s Inside Out guilt would be a mixture of Sadness and Fear’s influences. And I don’t know how they become so powerful in my mind. 

But a little voice in my head says, “Just keep fighting.” And so, I do. 

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